end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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