You're earring is so big in my mouth
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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