i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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