well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How external is "for external use only"?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
