Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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