Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
