I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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