the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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