I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize