is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
