its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
