I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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