I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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