And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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