How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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