Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
