Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
