I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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