if you like me you must not know who I am
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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