Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
