dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
