She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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