Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
