Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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