definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
