I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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