Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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