My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
