i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
