She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
