oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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