i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Couch. On fire.
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