shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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