he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Pooping to opera.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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