I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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