Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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