I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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