How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
