you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize