I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
