We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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