who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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