I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
