Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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