good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
