Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
