I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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