Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
