I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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