He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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