i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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