Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
