Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
