Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
