Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
