I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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